How to Find Love in the Digital Era

What’s going on, Team?

As I re-enter the online dating world, after attending school in the middle of the Minnesotan prairie, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about what dating apps such as Tinder, Bumble and Match.com do for potential romantic relationships.

Side Note: I’ve had successful (and unsuccessful) relationships through the use of both online & offline dating.  Since I’ve had experience with both, I feel I can speak strongly on the topic.  Especially one that I care so much about.

I was inspired to write this post for this week after watching this link.  In the video, the creators behind 8-bit philosophy explain different philosophical perspectives behind online dating.  They argue that there is a disconnect between these two people because of the digital medium that they use.  That they become attracted to the self-made avatar on the screen rather than the actual user.  They also argue that individuals look for more of themselves in another person rather than someone new or unique that can challenge them to become better.  Finally, they state that how users use this technology is up to them, and they cannot make generalizations about online dating in general.  Check it out!

Among everything else, we date online because its easy.  We dont have to leave our beds to meet new people.  It becomes comfortable to ‘slide into DM’s’ at 2 am on Twitter instead of asking a girl out in the middle of the afternoon.  And while this may seem like a great idea, we have to realize that we as human beings are social creatures.  On a primal level, we CRAVE interpersonal interaction.  Even if its just hearing another human voice.

Once you realize this simple fact, it becomes much eaiser to attract that that special someone.

If you find yourself reading this article looking for love in this digital era, the first thing that you have to do is VISUALIZE what you want.

And when I say VISUALIZE, I’m not talking about physical attributes or mutual interests.  I’m talking about the FEELINGS you get when you’re around this person.  How it feels when the two of you are out in public, in private, on a date, looking into eachothers eyes, whatever!  Be specific to the point of discomfort.  Write it down.

Next?  Do social things that you enjoy.  Whether it be working in a coffee shop, going to a concert, meeting new people at a party, spending the afternoon at the library reading books on a Saturday afternoon.  Whatever!

Finally: Talk to people.  Don’t just talk to EVERYONE!  (Unless thats something you really want to do!).  No, talk to people when you KNOW you should talk to someone.  Too many times we walk away from a social situation and thing “Damn, I should have talked to them, or done SOMETHING”.  Don’t let yourself do that!  When you see someone you’d like to talk too, and you get that weird nervous feeling in your stomach, get up and make a move!  Take a deep breath and be confident!  Its easy!  Now do it!

Real-life interpersonal communication is great because there isn’t a delay between messages.  You’re forced to think on your feet, respond to your gut, and look the other person in the eye to have a conversation.

And if you’re awkward, thats okay!  You’re being yourself.  Think of your confidence as a muscle, the more you work it out the stronger it gets.  The more that you do things that you’re uncomfortable with, the more confident you will become.  Its that simple!

Granted I’ve only given you the basic outline of how to find love in this day and age.  Everybody has a different story for how they met their special someone, and I can’t tell you how its going to work out for you.  Life is what you make of it, and if you find what you’re looking for swiping right, then that’s your story!

In short: Visualize, Do What YOU Love, Take Action, Have Faith.

Have a great week everyone.

-Joe